Uhm. This is about to be the REALEST post I've ever done on this blog. It may be a bit random and all over the place but it's honest.
I'm having a really bad day. I'm at work – but I'd rather be home. And frankly, I want to use my lunch hour to go to a barber, cut these freaking locks off and dye the middle of my hair a very light brown (or red... or dark blue) - mohawk style... with the same spontaneous inspiration with which I cut my long, healthy relaxed hair off the first time at 1am some time in 1999. Sigh. Then reality kicks in.
I don't REALLY want short hair. Why? I have acne scars and I'm not fond of how pronounced they are when i'm pretty much bald. Also, I really don't want to have to deal with growing my hair out again or the in between stages of loose natural hair. So what am I going to do?
I start researching how to escape from my life. lol. (I know I sound crazy but a lot of other people have been in a place where they need a break so I don't feel like I'm legitimately insane. Nevertheless, I am willing to accept free therapy from any psychiatrists located in Jamaica if they feel I really need it). Hahaha. But seriously, since escaping my life is not a healthy option, here is what I'm going to do instead.
- Buy Time. I'm going to keep my behind at work and try not to do anything rash like drive to the barber during my lunch hour. This buys me time. Maybe I'll calm down. Time doesn't heal anything but it gives me the opportunity to think.
- Make a Plan. Breathe deeply and think about what it is that I REALLY want to change. My hair isn't that bad. I think I'll make a plan regarding things that are making me have a bad day and other things in my life which annoy me (like the cluttered closet I have with nothing to wear) and write down how I'm going to change these things.
- Make a Small Change. Maybe I'll get my hair styled after work instead... or go home and do it myself. I'm trying to save for a new wardrobe.
- Think About Personal Hair Goals. Perhaps I'll watch YouTube videos of women with long beautiful hair. (This didn't really help since I don't really have any personal hair goals).
- Create an Oasis. Tonight, I am going to pretend that my living room is an oasis and that I don't have a care in the world. I'm going to light my expensive scented candles, turn to HGTV and snuggle up on my hard-earned couch with a bar or two of dark chocolate and a glass or two of wine.
- Execute the Plan. If my plan still makes sense tomorrow morning, I'll create a vision board and start making the changes that will prevent me from having another bad day.
OK. Let's hope that this overall plan is successful and that I'm not on here tomorrow with pictures of my mohawk-dyed nearly bald haircut.
Please get through the middle passage. When I was your age, one of the things I did was to keep a calendar journal; I checked off the days I felt bad; I noted the days when I had my cycle; I noted the full moon days. And just jotted down small things that happened on that day. Nothing major; no big thesis writing. But when I looked over the journal month after month I noticed a correlation between when I felt ugly or bad and what else was going on in my life. There were some definite correlations. I also had acne(a really bad case) And I made it a project to look at that and do research on some of the latest findings. For me, I had to drastically change my diet and the acne started to clear. Years later I'm back to a diet which includes the forbidden foods but now I have clear skin with occasional breakouts. I say this because often the people I knew who had oily skin and acne have beautiful skin when they get older. You are not alone. There are several you tubers who are dealing with skin problems through their vlogs and blogs(only a few.) But I wonder how many women are resistant to being more extroverted because of their skin and would love to follow someone's journey. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing that contributed to my acne when I was younger was "oil". The sebaceous glands of the scalp are the most active of any in the body. I see many naturals using so much oil on their scalp and gets around the hairline and causes acne. Sebum which is our natural oil in the follicles, for some, doesn't need any help. There is so much great literature about acne and natural healing online and in natural cosmetic books. Anyway you are still an inspiration to many and I think it is courageous of you to bare your soul about how you're feeling. I hope out of these adverse days something good comes out of it that will help so many.
Keep the faith my friend. We all have those, what I call, ugly days. You are not ugly; you are beauty and life manifest through who you are. And by the way: I love your hair.
Hey Sandra.
ReplyDeleteI really thought I was done with acne when I got into my 30s but I guess not. I have done a lot of the calendar tracks and have even explored natural remedies for those "time of the month" type issues.
The diet change makes a big difference in my acne. It is, however, very hard to maintain. I have managed to experience a significant improvement through altering my diet. I should probably do another post about it.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I think it is important to share our feelings at times. We too often feel alone in life's regular challenges and it is always good to identify with someone. I'm sure many have identified with me.
KiK